The Joy of An Ex - Collaborative Team Practice

Copyright (c) 2011 Jackie Ramler

Let me tell you my story.

When I went through my own divorce, it was brutal. I was afraid. I felt like a cloud of uncertainty hovered over my head. I worried about my relationship with my children and worried about my finances. I just did not know how my future would look. I went through the full gamut of emotions, sometimes all in the same day. Yet, I had been practicing family law for 13 years at the time! I had helped hundreds of families through the transition of divorce through my mediation practice and law practice yet my own divorce hit me like a brick wall.

I can only imagine your level of anxiety. Perhaps you have had days when you were so depressed you felt paralyzed or days when you were so angry you could crush a car with a single blow. Maybe you are just numb from all the pain and confusion.

Wouldn't it be great to find a way to get through your divorce in a way that will minimize the pain both emotionally and financially? The good news is there is a way… it's called Collaborative Team Practice.

Collaborative Team Practice is a process that minimizes the pain as much as possible by working with a team of specially trained divorce professionals. The team will help you through your divorce in a respectful, client-centered process. Does this sound interesting?

You will begin the process by signing an agreement called the Participation Agreement. It states, among other things, that you and your spouse will not go to court to resolve your issues. This is key to the process. If either of you decides to go to court, both of you have to retain new professionals. You can't even use the same lawyers. Furthermore, none of the documents exchanged or reports commissioned or work done by any of the professionals can be brought into the court process without the consent of both of you. This creates a strong incentive for everyone, professionals and clients alike, to negotiate in good faith.

Does the idea of a "team of professionals" frighten you? Don't let it because it actually is a very cost-effective process - substantially less costly than the court process. Much of the time you are working with one professional instead of each of you paying a lawyer making, it very cost-effective.

More importantly, the results of the process are far more rewarding too. You decide what is acceptable so your clients are happier with the results and they are longer lasting. It really is a better way. Interested in learning more?

You and your spouse will each retain a specially trained Collaborative Lawyer. Not all lawyers have the training and frankly some don't have the natural aptitude to be a Collaborative Lawyer. Make sure you find someone who has both the skills and the personality that fits your needs.

At the first meeting you, your spouse and the lawyers sign the Participation Agreement and decide which other professionals are needed to help. Both you and your spouse should retain your own Divorce Coach. He or she will help you find closure on your past, develop coping skills and communication skills to help you through the divorce and will help you look forward to your future. Your Divorce Coach will also explain the stages of divorce and suggest how to understand your partner's perspective. My clients who work with a Divorce Coach (at about 1/3rd to ½ the hourly rate of a lawyer) usually spend a lot less money on legal fees and reach a resolution much more quickly. It is an excellent investment. Pay a little to save a lot.

In addition, if you have children, you will jointly retain a Parenting Coach to help you come up with arrangements for the children. My clients report that the best part of working with the Parenting Coach was not simply determining how much time the children will be with each parent (they help work through that issue), they said they learned an enormous amount about how to parent their children through the divorce and afterwards. Furthermore, avoiding a battle saves your children from the risk of being deeply scarred emotionally. It's a lot better for the children.


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