The Joy of an Ex - When Divorce Comes Home

Copyright (c) 2011 Jackie Ramler

In the small town of Liverpool, Nova Scotia, a young boy watched in anguish as his mother packed her bags and left to make a new life far from her family. How could this happen? What was this strange thing called divorce that was tearing at his heart; that was tearing his family to pieces? The boy determined that such pain would never touch him again. Time passed, and the boy, now a young man of 24 years, was looking forward to an exciting career in the oil business. As a petroleum engineering technologist, Tom Cameron would travel the world, supervising the completion of oil wells in challenging off-shore and jungle sites.

Accepting a position in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia, Tom eventually settled down to marry the girl he had been dating. When the company Tom was working for approached him about heading up a project in Gabon, West Africa, the Camerons soon found themselves straddling the equator and the heat and lush vegetation of the former French colony. But the situation in their home was far from paradise. Six months after arriving in Africa, Tom returned from a trip to find his wife waiting at the airport—minus her wedding ring. Before the day was out, she had confessed to an affair and the marriage was over. Tom followed his wife to Canada, where a lawyer handed him a letter outlining the terms of the separation.

Stunned, Tom turned to a pastor in his home town for comfort and spiritual help. But the man had nothing to offer. Searching out every church in the community, Tom discovered that no one had resources to help those going through a divorce. The young oilman was well aware of the fallout from ruined marriages that plagued his profession: during his tenure on a production platform in the North Sea, he discovered that of the 150 men aboard, all had been divorced. Now, he was one of them.

Since his early days in the Alberta oil industry, Tom had kept in touch with a friend in Red Deer, a secretary at a petroleum company where he had trained. As he and Lynnette continued to correspond, they discovered that they shared the same vision. In 1992, they were married and moved to Nova Scotia. Together now, they began looking for a school that offered the training they needed. It was a happy day for the Camerons when they sold their house and moved "Beverly Hillbilly" style back to Alberta to study at Prairie Bible College.

One day an instructor told Tom about a mission in the U.S. that reaches out to those caught in the aftermath of divorce. The idea immediately struck a responsive chord and he was soon connected with DivorceCare, a new organization in Raleigh, North Carolina. There he found what he had been looking for: a program designed to help local churches minister to people experiencing separation or divorce. Using video presentations by professionals in the field of divorce and separation, the thirteen week program was structured as a weekly seminar/support group that combined small group discussion with biblical teaching on relevant topics.

They soon discovered that Canada's divorce rate took a dramatic shift in 1968 when no-fault divorce was instituted and multiple grounds for separation became available. Now Canada joins the U.S. with the highest divorce rates among industrialized nations. And though we may not wish to acknowledge it, the issues of divorce are bombarding our churches. Once thought safe from family breakups, churches are no longer immune. Marriages are falling apart, leaving hurting families and congregations struggling for answers. "If we continue to purge sinners from the church," Tom points out, "there will be no one left! The church needs to be a place where hurting people are loved, welcomed, and integrated into a body of people. Shouldn't Jesus be our example? He reached out to the woman at the well in spite of her four failed marriages. I know God hates divorce, but He loves divorcees! That's the bottom line in our recovery groups. God's love and forgiveness are the basis for healing."


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